Overhearing a conversation about Ukraine

Hello intersectional thinkers 👋

Greetings from Vancouver, where I overheard a conversation that made the Ukraine invasion feel closer home.

 “I’m sorry to keep you waiting. That was an important call from my brother-in-law, calling from Kyiv.” The shopkeeper was apologizing to her customer, who patiently waited for the shopkeeper to get off her Ukrainian Zoom call.

The customer, with an uneasy laugh said, “It’s no problem.”

“My sister just got to a bomb shelter. You know, underground?” The shopkeeper gestured a doom shape with her two hands, then started ringing the products through the register.

Silence.

“You know two days ago I thought it was impossible that there will be a war. Impossible. But yesterday, the news came. I can’t believe it. War. Bombs.”

Silence.

“My sister has to go into a bomb shelter. She’s in Kyiv. That was my brother-in-law calling to tell us what’s happening.”

The customer shifted her weight away from the counter and said “It’s no problem.” And then, silence.

…

I don’t know what it’s like living through a war.

The closest I have is accounts from my grandma, who lived through the Japanese occupation of Manchuria. But her go-to story is one about a nice Japanese soldier giving her two cookies because her younger brother said he was hungry.

She omits the fears and losses and always says “War is cruel. But the people involved are human, just like you and me.”

So as I stood in the uncomfortable silence between the shopkeeper and her customer, thinking about why the customer isn’t saying anything, and how I’m only two degrees away from someone in Ukraine who’s going into an underground bomb shelter for the first time, I wanted to say something.

But when I tried to open my mouth under my mask, I didn’t know what to say. I was lost for words, just like her customer.

Is there a politically correct way to go about this? Would I sound naïve and privileged to take sides? Or insincere and unhelpful to empathize?

I didn’t have the diplomatic manual of what to say when someone’s family member goes into a bomb shelter to stay alive.

Then I hear my grandma say: people involved are just human.

Just go with something human.

“I hope your sister and her family will be okay. I hope Ukraine will be okay.”